This is a public safety announcement.
The rules have changed again.
The rule of six is now the rule of one.
You can meet anyone in your bubble but only in an actual bubble*.
* There is a national shortage of bubbles.
You may not engage in public discourse on what the hell
The rules have changed again.
The rule of six is now the rule of one.
You can meet anyone in your bubble but only in an actual bubble*.
* There is a national shortage of bubbles.
You may not engage in public discourse on what the hell
the rules are with friends or family, only strangers in masks.
Beer is not to be served in pubs, only scouse and rice pudding
Beer is not to be served in pubs, only scouse and rice pudding
because winter is coming. Only white walkers in full PPEs
are allowed in tattoo parlours and veterinary surgeries.
All pets must cover their faces when sniffing rear ends. Also humans.
Elderly people must have at least four cushions* around them at all times.
* There is a national shortage of cushions.
The tide can only go out for one hour a day.
Check your sense of taste daily with chocolate, wine.
Gin has antibacterial properties.
If quarantined, you may not leave your bed or engage in gainful employment
All pets must cover their faces when sniffing rear ends. Also humans.
Elderly people must have at least four cushions* around them at all times.
* There is a national shortage of cushions.
The tide can only go out for one hour a day.
Check your sense of taste daily with chocolate, wine.
Gin has antibacterial properties.
If quarantined, you may not leave your bed or engage in gainful employment
unless you are the leader of the free world.
The world is not, repeat NOT, free.
All stories must be told six feet apart. Feet. Two metres is not appropriate
The world is not, repeat NOT, free.
All stories must be told six feet apart. Feet. Two metres is not appropriate
as we prepare for Brexit. We are now uniquely ready for the travel disruption,
loss of jobs, shortages of basic supplies that Brexit will herald.
Changes in weight must be logged at a distant measurement centre.
You may not leave the house except – and only if you are a bear – to shit in the woods. Dog walking is mandatory.
Wash your hands. Wash your face. We will wash your brain.
Wash your mouth if you find yourself repeating
the same news every week to elderly relatives on the phone as they do to you.
Carelessness is contagious. Zoom meetings are not allowed
to boast of rules bent, money spent on cocktails of blame and guilt and hospitalisation.
If shielding, do not carry a sword. Deliveries must be quarantined indefinitely
with the exception of those bottles of vodka Amazon have just dropped off.
The money tree is losing its leaves as it shakes. Winter is coming.
You are not safe. You are expendable.
This has been a public safety announcement.
Changes in weight must be logged at a distant measurement centre.
You may not leave the house except – and only if you are a bear – to shit in the woods. Dog walking is mandatory.
Wash your hands. Wash your face. We will wash your brain.
Wash your mouth if you find yourself repeating
the same news every week to elderly relatives on the phone as they do to you.
Carelessness is contagious. Zoom meetings are not allowed
to boast of rules bent, money spent on cocktails of blame and guilt and hospitalisation.
If shielding, do not carry a sword. Deliveries must be quarantined indefinitely
with the exception of those bottles of vodka Amazon have just dropped off.
The money tree is losing its leaves as it shakes. Winter is coming.
You are not safe. You are expendable.
This has been a public safety announcement.
- Clare Kirwan
vunderbar
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